He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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