I just saw a hot homeless man
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
