why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
