Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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