just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
