I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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