My nipple is on Facebook.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
