remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You were trust falling into bushes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
