so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
