i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
