is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
