i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
