my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
