he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
