Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
