eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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