I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
