I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im six kinds of drunk right now
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
