She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
