I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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