god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
