All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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