Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
