i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
