the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
