I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
