just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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