Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My vagina is officially offended.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
