You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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