Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
