I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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