Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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