Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I want to stick my p in your. b.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just threw up on my dentist
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
