I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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