But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
