Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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