happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
