Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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