Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
