Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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