Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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