I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
