i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
