I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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