Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
