Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
