marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
