I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
did you just send me my own nude
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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