toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
