can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
