woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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