She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
