Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
