i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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